Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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