I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize