I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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