I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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