We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
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I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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