you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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