Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize