I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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