i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I need moral support for this bender
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
