ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
