Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
