I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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