My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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