A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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