your thong is hanging out like whoa
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
