Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
