lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
