it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
