So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Randomize
