bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
