She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
