she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
