Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
