how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
