hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
