And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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