u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
