I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
