oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
