Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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