she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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