it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
