i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
