So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
