we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
