i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
