Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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