Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
