im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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