Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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