So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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