You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
