just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
