I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
