billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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