Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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