You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
