Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
