Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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