Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
