last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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