Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
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On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize