I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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