These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
