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Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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