I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
