Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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