I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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