Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
