Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
